Promise
by Writer for the Tylwyth Teg
Summary: AU. It's during WWI, and Hiccup is being summoned to the front lines. But he doesn't want to say goodbye to his beloved...


The morning sunlight was warm and soft, coming through the window and greeting Astrid like an old, childhood friend. She opened her eyes slowly, her cheeks feeling sticky, and she flicked her gaze down towards the soft pressure against her stomach.

Hiccup's face was buried between her ribs, his arms locked around her hips like twin vices. He snuffled softly, his face still relaxed in sleep, his cheeks shining with long-dried tears. The light had not yet reached his face, her body blocking it from him as it was, and Astrid absolutely refused to wake him.

Just a few days ago, Hiccup had received his summons to the front lines.

He had collapsed into the kitchen chair right there, unable to think, to breathe, or speak for several minutes as Astrid read the summons over and over, refusing to believe it. She shook her head in disbelief.

"They can't do this," she said, "They can't! Hiccup, you…Hiccup!"

"They can," he croaked at last.

"But you just turned 18 a month ago!"

"I know."

Her throat had tightened up harshly, and she kneeled in front of him, taking his hands in hers and looking at him beseechingly. "It's okay. I won't let them take you from me, alright? I'll protect you, just like always. We protect each other, remember?"

Hiccup had squeezed her hands back, his face tightening and his jaw beginning to quiver, the walls of his throat stiffening and trembling as his world crashed down around him for the second time in his life. He met her eyes pleadingly, searching them for the solitude he knew they always held.

"How?" he asked pitifully, "Astrid, _how?_"

"We'll leave." She nodded resolutely. "We'll pack everything up and go right now. We'll go somewhere safe and wait until the war is over."

Oh, the idea sounded so tempting, and she could see Hiccup tasting it and savoring how wonderful it sounded. His mouth practically watered as her suggestion began to seduce him and his shivering heart urged him to listen, to just throw everything they owned into a suitcase and disappear, to save his own skin. As long as he was with Astrid, he could do anything.

Except go to war.

But reality was a cold, heartless demon, and Astrid could see it choking Hiccup, driving tears from his eyes and sending them spilling down his cheeks. He shook his head slowly.

"We can't. We'd be caught and thrown in prison, you know that."

Astrid did know that. But love and overwhelming terror had made her blind to logic, and she stood up and gripped Hiccup's shoulders, tears pricking her eyes. "Hiccup, you can't go!" Astrid cried, "Please! I can't lose you. We're all the other has. Please…"

Hiccup had yanked her against him hard, slumping out of the chair and pulling both of them onto the cold floor. By now, they were both sobbing pathetically, Hiccup trying to hide his face in her hair while she gripped the back of his shirt, holding each other so hard they couldn't breathe.

"Please babe," Astrid tried one last time, hoping the endearment and all Hiccup associated it with would convince him to change his mind. She knew he wanted to, could feel him vibrating with fear and an intense desire to run away. "Please. Hiccup, babe, don't leave me. I promised your mother I'd keep you safe. You were her baby, you have to stay safe for her."

His only answer was a wet, harsh cry, and a fresh river of tears soaking her neck.

"Astrid," he had pleaded, as if he could find security in her name, a way to make this whole situation be a terrible nightmare that he would wake up from any minute, "Astrid, Astrid, Astrid…I don't want to go! I can't go, I can't leave you! Astrid please…"

For the next few days, Hiccup had become a living ghost. Anything he ate was usually forced back up by his nervous stomach and any sleep that he managed to catch was laced with horrifying nightmares. His heart beat so fast it felt like it was trying to burst from his chest, and Astrid usually found him floating around their tiny apartment, running his fingers over things and staring at them like he'd never see them again. He was too afraid to be too far from her side for very long, often pulling her into his arms for seemingly no reason and kissing her, or just lying there with his head on her chest so he could listen to her heart while she stroked his hair. Astrid hated it; it was as if he had already broken before the war had even gotten a hold of him.

The night before Hiccup was supposed to leave on the train that would take him to the base where he would start training, they had both lain awake long into the night, crying, opting to simply fall on top of the blankets on their bed and curl about each other.

And now it was morning. The morning he was supposed to leave. Astrid found herself stifling a whimper and curling herself more determinedly around her beloved, pressing her nose against his back and drawing in his scent in an effort to calm herself. She knew from the way he was breathing that he was only dozing and that the slightest movements could wake him. And waking him was the last thing she wanted to do. She want Hiccup to remain in his blissful state of unconsciousness for as long as he could manage, in a place where the war didn't exist and he wasn't yet aware that it was the morning of his departure. Astrid wished she was still asleep too. That way she wouldn't have to imagine how empty and cold the bed would feel tonight without Hiccup pressed against her back, his arms about her waist and his warm breath against her neck…

Hiccup twitched and grunted softly, and Astrid shushed him, rubbing his shoulder. Honestly, part of her wanted Hiccup to remain asleep in hopes that he would miss the train and would have no choice but to remain home. Oh, her sweet boy, recently orphaned after his father had died in the line of work and his mother had expired from tuberculosis only a couple years ago. Astrid's own parents had been dead since she was a little girl and she barely remembered them. Her life had ceased to have much meaning until she had met Hiccup by chance.

Her Hiccup was such a gentle, loving soul, whether he was taking care of her or any of the innumerable stray cats in the city, he loved far too hard for his own good. He had asthma too, and couldn't run 50 yards without bending over double, wheezing harshly. He was so naïve, always preferring to talk out arguments instead of resorting to physical violence, believing anything could be solved if you could talk to the person.

He wouldn't last 2 minutes in the war.

Hiccup's eyes fluttered open, and for a moment he seemed to be trying to remember where he was. Then his eyes widened in sudden comprehension, and he sat up abruptly, meeting Astrid's eyes. His expression swelled into a perfect window of terror, and he drew his bottom lip in between his teeth. She placed a hand on the side of his face, and she saw pulse pounding and pushing at the vein in his neck. Astrid couldn't take it; soon he'd be somewhere she couldn't follow him, scared stiff and surrounded by death, far, _far_ away from her soothing hands and soft words.

She honestly couldn't help it when she pleaded with him one last time, made one final entreaty for him to stay.

"Please."

He bowed his head and butted his forehead against her chest, shivering and so very young and vulnerable, all at once every inch the boy he still was. Astrid folded herself over him, apologizing over and over again, for she felt instead of the state, she was the one sending Hiccup to his death.

000

Hiccup dressed in the military fatigues very stiffly, remaining silent the entire time. He thought he looked ridiculous in them, mostly because, in terms of identity, he knew down to his very core that he was no soldier. Just the sight of blood made him nauseous, and he was going to be expected to kill other human beings.

He tried, above all else, not to think about that fact.

Astrid made him a small breakfast, even though she must have known he had zero appetite. But still, it was sweet tart; she knew he loved those. She must have made it special. And this would be the last time in a long time he'd be able to eat something prepared by her loving hands (never mind that she wasn't the best cook in the world). So, he offered her a smile of thanks, kissed her, and slowly ate the tart. He savored every bite, sitting in the kitchen chair and leaning his head against Astrid's stomach while she held him and kneaded his neck.

Breakfast was over far too soon, and then it was time to leave for the train station. While Astrid put on her coat, Hiccup cast a last, longing look at their apartment. The place was tiny and shabby, but it was home. Their home. Every corner had evidence of the life he shared with his beloved, and the thought of leaving it was so painful it drove the breath from his lungs.

When Astrid was ready, he sighed, took her hand, and solemnly closed the door behind them.

The walk to the train station was far too quiet. Astrid tried to make conversation at first, but that didn't last long. It was probably for the better; Hiccup felt that he was on the verge of throwing up. That feeling only doubled in strength once they actually reached the train station and he caught sight of all the other young men in fatigues milling around and saying goodbye to their loved ones. Most of them were much more filled out than Hiccup, and, intimidated he lowered his eyes to the ground out of habit. He felt like a child going to a new school, scared by all the other children. Astrid rubbed his arm soothingly and nudged him forward. This certainly wasn't a good start; soon he was going to be surrounded by these other men, and probably be yelled at within an inch of his life by some of them. Hiccup hated being yelled at. He was used to it, but he had never responded well to it. But at that base, there would be no Astrid he could run to for reassurance.

The train had pulled into the station, but it wasn't time to board yet, so Astrid took that time to straighten up his uniform. She fixed his mismatched buttons, tucked in his pockets, and straightened his collar, and instead of protesting as he normally would, Hiccup let her fuss over him, drinking it in and trying to imprint this moment on his memory. Like he had been doing with every moment since he received that summons in the mail.

"You just do everything they tell you," Astrid instructed him, "No smart-mouthing. Just keep your head down and mind what they say, alright?"

Hiccup smiled. "Yes ma'am."

"And don't skip any meals. Eat lots and keep your strength up."

"I will."

"And use that second blanket I packed for you. It's going to get cold soon, and you need to stay warm. You get cold so easily…"

"Don't worry Astrid, I'll use it. Anything else?"

She smoothed her hands over his shoulders, straightening the fabric, before she murmured in the most vulnerably voice Hiccup had ever heard her use, "Just come home to me. Do whatever you have to, okay? If there's danger, just run away from it. If you have to kill someone to stay alive, do it. Just survive, and know that I'm going to be here waiting for you when you come back."

Hiccup nodded and whispered, "I will. I promise I'm going to come home, Astrid. I promise."

She nodded back, placing both hands on the sides of his face, seemingly unsurprised when his eyes began to swim with tears and he finally admitted, "I'm scared."

He didn't expect her to have anything to say to that, and indeed, all she could do was share in his tears and shush him.

Suddenly the train whistled behind them, and the command for everyone to board was called out. Hiccup felt fear kick his heart into overdrive, and he began to shake horribly. He practically lunged forward and crushed Astrid to him, hiding his face in its familiar place in her hair, a last ditch effort at pretending this was all a dream. Astrid clung to him as he began to whimper pathetically, his cries sounding disgusting and weak, but he was powerless to stop them.

"I don't want to leave," he said childishly, and Astrid could only nuzzle his neck in response, echoing the sentiment.

This was awful. Astrid was going to walk back home alone, spend dinner alone and pass the night alone. Who would protect her and love her while he was gone? How was she going to stay warm during these cold winter nights? Who would make sure she laughed every day?

The train whistled again and the platform began to empty. "Hiccup," Astrid finally said, "You need to go."

He knew that. He did. But for some reason, his arms seemed to have locked around her, and no matter how much he silently commanded himself to release her, they refused to obey his commands. No matter how much he told himself to stop crying, he continued to tremble and sob openly. No matter how much he tried to convince himself that he'd see Astrid again, he had a hard time believing it.

Finally, he let go, but didn't step away until he had kissed her on the mouth, hard and desperately, once, twice, three times, four times. He kissed her cheek and she in turn kissed his nose, he pecked her forehead and she kissed his chin. Shoulders shuddering, he at last released her hands and backed away, heart breaking. He resolutely turned around and boarded the train, and after giving the important looking gentleman with the clipboard his name, he quickly found a seat and sat down, hastily wiping at his eyes.

And then, twisting around, he gazed out the window, eyes scanning the platform until he found Astrid, still standing there but completely alone now, rubbing her arms in the chilly air. He pressed his nose against the glass, catching her eye and trying to smile for her. She smiled back and blew him another kiss, which he pretended to catch and put in his pocket.

Then, the train started off, pulling away slowly, and then picking up speed gradually. Hiccup began to wave frantically, Astrid waving back and following him down the platform at a jog, her dress billowing in the wind. All too soon, she ran out of platform and had to stop at the edge, but still kept waving at him. Hiccup waved back and kept his eyes fixed on her for as long as he could see her, until the train rounded a bend and obscured the station from his sight.

Hiccup turned around in his seat then, tears welling up again. No, he couldn't cry here. That was a good way to get made fun of. The only people who had never made fun of him when he cried had been his parents and Astrid. Everyone else told him to man up. So, he hastily wiped at his face and swallowed his tears back, hugging his bag of belongings to his chest.

That night, he would eat his first meal in the mess hall and recall how his last meal had been Astrid's sweet tart, and he'd be more reluctant to fill his belly as a result because he wanted that to be the last meal he ate for just a little longer, but would relent because Astrid had told him to keep up his strength. He would shiver in bed for hours (even with his two blankets), unable to sleep because the bed was unfamiliar and so were the voices all around him, and there was no warm body beside him that he could hold.

But for now, Hiccup closed his eyes and remembered his promise, still feeling the pressure of Astrid's arms around his middle and her hair tickling his cheeks.


End file.
